Bonzo goes to Bitburg

Hmm, New Years Eve. Time to go and get pissed =) I havent had a good drink since, hmm..2 days ago. I've got gay school work to do, but ill do that New years day or Monday, i don't wanna go back to school :( So off to Jess' party i go tonight, woo. Booze booze booooooze.

Hmm, onto a little rant now. I really hate it when you get chavs, mostly 12-16 year old black chav girls walking onto the bus with their phone proudly playing some crappy chav song usually involving drum and bass,or some other form of chav music. Why do they do this? its just bloody annoying! If i walked onto a bus with some Maiden or Nightwish song playing they'd probably ask me to turn it down,pfft.

Anyway, have a good piss up everyone :) Lets hope 2006 can be a better year, 2005 sucked.

Currently listening to: Pantera - Cowboys From Hell

Currently annoying me : stuff

My dreams annoy and depress me sometimes, sure most of them are preety funny to me acting out weird random shit that usually results in PJ dieing in some comical way, but then i get the dreams that i don't like, not because they are scary in any way, but because they act out scenarios and stuff i think of during the day that i would hate to happen and low and behold some times they do happen, such as last nights dream, i won't go into detail but it just pissed me off, because unlike some nice dreams i have on certain subjects, the negative ones are far more likely to happen.

Todays been boring :@

Currently listening to: Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag

This must be fake
My lip starts to shake.
How does she know who I am?
And why does she give a damn about me?

"I got two tickets to Iron Maiden Baby
Come with me Friday - don't say maybe.
I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby
like you . . . Ooohoo Hoo Hooooooo"

Love should never feel like this - I must be doing something wrong

Today i went round Antoni's and then to Harrow, twas good :) This morning things went unusually well, the 282 was preety much on time, no chavs to be seen , and the only people about was really bus drivers with cups of tea and happy geriatrics. Even when a typically looking angry black male walked onto the bus, clad in a traditional Avirex jacket with jeans with patches on, the bus driver let him on for free because he coulden't find the change and he was really greatful to the old boy driver, using manors :) On the bus, some chav did get on though, with what i guess must have been his girlfriend, she looked like she was 12..he was about my age, but the way he treated her was interesting, a supposed couple didn't even talk to eachother or sit next together and he totally blanked her, but as he got off the bus she looked to see if he said goodbye but didn't, louzy chav boyfriends! What do girls see in these guys? Apart from tacky chains and McKenzie tracksuits..

Harrow was preety cool too, plenty of nice grunge type girls, but sadly they were with lame dopey emo guys :(

Onto last nights dream.

Ms Haughey had taken me and my history class to Bemuda for a trip (woo) and the place was basically full of muddy water,rocks and the like. We had to wade through water and i was complaing to her about it and she suddenly switched at me telling me not to be so snobby. Then we had to climb this mini hill holding onto a rope going two at a time. I followed PJ who was climbing next to Antoni when PJ suddenly slipped, as he began to fall down back to the rocks where he would die he was about to knock me down with him, until i grabbed antonis arm and moved out the way allowing pj to fall down into the jagged rocks :(

I think thats most of todays business. I Love you all in this fine festive season, na that sounds gay, i hate you all.

Currently listening to: Alice Cooper - Love Should Never Feel Like This


Somebody told me love`s a beautiful thing
And when I found it all the bells would just ring
The sun would shine and all the birds would sing
Then I met you

I searched the planet for that magical girl
I walked a million miles all over the world
I found the oysters, but never the pearls.
Then I met you...

I can`t eat
I can`t sleep
I feel sick
I`m so weak

Love should never feel like this
I must be doing something wrong
I`ve never felt this way before

Walk in the bathroom and I take a deep breath
Look in the mirror and it scares me to death
Look like a junkie that`s been strung out on meth
Since I met you

Goodbye to love

So much for a snow storm. It snowed for like 10minutes then it just melted after an hour :-(

God, i have to try and visit the Bridge Hotel soon, i fucking hate it when school subjects require intereaction with people outside of school, its just a lame gay process that no one in my class likes. Thankfully Somrah is leaving at the end of Jan :D

I think overall my mood from the past few weeks has improved, im not as much reliant on alcohol to try and cheer me up now and im generally happier i guess, which is a good thing. Yesterday we recieved some bad news from Braughton, Nippy, the lovable gardener of Chris' estate for many many many years was found dead in a ditch in the village on boxing day at 10am, and had been there all night. It hasnt quite sunk in yet that hes dead because he was really cool, everyone in the village liked him, and he always used to play cricket with me and let me speed around the vast plains of hampshire in various agriculatural machinary. RIP Nippy [that wasnt his real name btw] I'm going to go down to Hampshire thursday too just to see how everyones coping.

Anyway, heres an interesting quote from Euripides

"Love must not touch the marrow of the soul. Our affections must be breakable chains that we can cast them off or tighten them."

Currently listening to: Rainbow - Since You've Been Gone

I get the same old dreams, same time every night
Fall to the ground and I wake up
So I get out of bed, put on my shoes, and in my head
Thoughts fly back to the break-up

These four walls are closing in
Look at the fix you've put me in

Since you been gone, since you been gone
I'm outta my head, can't take it
Could I be wrong, but since you been gone
You cast the spell, so break it
Oooohhh - Whhooooaaa - Ooooohhh
Since you been gone

So in the night I stand beneath the back street light
I read the words that you sent to me
I can take the afternoon, the night-time comes around too soon
You can't know what you mean to me

ho ho ho

Christmas was preety good, got a fair bit of money and presents too. I didn't drink as much as i thaught as i did though.

Today i went to good old Harlequins with Lorraine who experinced her first rugby match =) [GO GEORGE!] But yeah it was a preety good match, Lorraine got into it too which was cool, go quins.

Tomorrow..meh. I hope the bill is on soon, its been taken off for xmas :(

Meeeeeh thats enough from me today.

Currently listening to: The Beatles - Let it be

Dreams

Some interesting dreams last night...

Dream 1.

Me and my friends formed a rugby team and we were playing South Australia in a match, and i scored two tries :) but i broke my leg diving in for the second and it went in like an L shape :(

Dream 2.

Me and Antoni were aboard this boat in some jungle river talking to these gothic chicks when all of a sudden the boat stopped, as it had crashed into some huge rock. We got off and then saw this little water compound with a building so we decided to swim to it, but when we got there we realised a huge killer shark was on the loose. I grabbed a sub machine gun and i started shooting its eyes whilst the shark circled us on the walkway. A Dolphin came out of nowhere to try and save us, but as it arrived the shark ate the Dolphin :( aw.

Its Christmas eve today,meh. I don't feel Christmasy at all, at least i get to drink lots of booze which is a plus. My dad told me the Nigthwish t shirt i ordered off ebay for christmas will be late...ffs :@

Another thing that pisses me off is people. You get certain people that everyone love, but in the end you realise they are preety selfish and only a select few can see it. Also what pisses me off is how confusing everything can be..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Anyway,Happy Christmas to most of you :)

Currently listening to: Ozzy Osbourne - Dreamer

Love is in the air everywhere i look around do do do do do

Christmas Eve tomorrow,meheeeh. I really don't feel festive or Christmasty at all this year, more like a black evil depressed mehness feeling. Meh.

I got my copy of the Australian times today <:-) its cool because its free...i like free stuff, plus its the only paper i know that has cricket on the back sport pages all the time instead of football, woo! Despite my non christmas happyness, i guess i can still play some softer songs to my heavy metal. Love songs is a good medium, everyone loves love songs :-D *digs out elton and lonestar songs*. Quins play London Welsh boxing day...boooooo London Welsh, Quins are the top team in London :) Currently listening to: Epica - Blank Infinity (amazing band)

Trying to keep myself afloat upon this stream
But a thought is pulling me down
Pulling me all the way down

We are wandering towards a blank infinity
And extinguishing will now be the only way
to diminish your sins
This vortex can't be filled up again
A hole in space and time

Do you cry to the heaven's high
when you're confined in here?
Do you not ever wonder
why these leaden tears will never dry?
They’ll leave behind so many shadows in my mind

An improved state of mind

I think my mood has slightly improved, im not as depressed or anything now. My German relatives have now gone back to Germany so i can have some nice thrashing heavy metal playing once again, despite my neighbours complaining.

I have two tickets for Harlequins V London Welsh, anyone want to go with meh? Nice expensive debenture members bar with *free tea and coffee* as well as other privillages ;) [lady folk only]

Oh yeh i hope you like my new banner, the old one pissed me off a bit, this one is far more black,hense cooler. Anyway, i guess things aren't so glum this morning. Im going to leave you all with this nice quote:

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell

Currently listening to: Lonestar - Not a day goes by

I'm dreaming of a black and cold Christmas.

The only thing to amuse me today was this. A video on an emo orange, its so true...myspace is like the emo epi-centre.

England lost the cricket again,ffs, i planned on them actually winning so i could have at least some enjoyment but nope, they went and lost again. If anyone can think of something to put me in a good mood let me know.

- e d i t -

Sorry if i've been acting pissed off or w/e towards you lately,trust me, its probably not your fault im in this mood anyway,probably.

My dad gave me a lecture today about how i should drink less after he found out how much alcohol im going to buy for christmas, pfft. He also said to me "why do you always have a smile on your face now? last couple of months you never smiled!" well he obviously dosen't know me that well, i just smile because i have to, otherwise you'd get the whole thing of people asking how you are and why you are pissed off/depressed/whatever it is which is just annoying.

Currently listening to: Nightwish - She is my sin

Everything is confusing to me. Nothing makes sense anymore.

Last nights dream was an interesting one. Like most of my dreams it was set at Wiseman. This time i was about 10 minutes late for my Ms Somrah Travel and Tourism class, and when i got there she was proper pissed off at me :( So then i walked out of the lesson and found Ria in some mini playground the school had built by the art block. But then this other chick came over to me and started having an argument over my hair, but Ria came in and defended me slapping the girl, thanks for protecting me in my dreams too Ria :)

Bloody Christmas is getting nearer, everyone with their happyness annoys me, whats to be happy about? You buy presents for people at a large cost of money and in return probablly get something lame in return, you have relatives around which you don't get on with, and its just a general shit period of the year when you realise how lonely you are, its no wonder Christmas is the biggest time of the year when people commit suicide.

FFS, i've got some lame TnT coursework to do where i have to go back to the Bridge Hotel.FFS. Me and Antoni were saying we need a seriously good piss up before Christmas so hopefully something will happen this week too. Bah.

Tesco better have Kerrang instore, it finally has some decent posters of Nightwish and Maiden rather than Greenday and My Chemical Gaymance. If I don't find a shop with this magazine, i will be pissed off. :@

Currently listening to: Sonata Artctica - Black Sheep

bleeeh

Paintballing was cool, it was good to take out some frustration, and i didn't loose my shoes! Horrah. I did a gallant charge and i got 5 guys in a row, and towards the end i took a hut full of 4 guys by myself, but then the game had ended :(

I had a wonderful dream last night, when i woke up it gave a nice warm fuzzy feeling inside, it was cool, shame it didn't come true :( I also dreamt about some stuff Antonis having trouble with atm, but one part of the dream i do remember is i was having an online chat with a person called "Andrew Brooks" about rugby relegation, so i was speaking to a possible clone of myself,woo.

meh :(

Currently listening to:Do They Know It's Christmas-Band Aid [fucking christmas songs on my playlist.]

Why do things have to be so complicated?

Today i baught booze at 9am, but i promise you i'm not an alki. The booze was for a nice depressing day at Antonis, it was preety cool drinking at like 10am watching The Bill before discussing certain problems, why is life so unfair to us :(

After a few hours at Antonis we went to Ealing and who did i see striding through Ealing by the bench courtyard bit but the Canadian Beauty Miss Adair. Wow she is beautiful. She smiled and waved at me, which totally made my day. Maybe i should ask her out, i've got nothing to loose, things arent exactly great for me at the moment anyway.

Paintballing tomorrow, kick ass. Time to shoot the living crap out of PJ.

Currently listening to: Joy Division - Love will tear us apart

hah.

I see Pakistan beat England again,louzy cricket team. I wore my Trescothick shirt for nothing today :( I feel used.

I think i accomplished feeling like shit today, im sorry for not coming out today Ria, but coupled with my mood and a nap i probabally woulden't have found time to take a trip to Harrow because i am now sporting a new hair cut, next time though :)

Tomorrow..hmm what to do tomorrow...more depression stuff! w00!

*Grumbles about how shit life is*

You Are Depressed

No doubt about it, you're feeling very down. Maybe you've had a bad day, or maybe you need help. Either way, make sure to take good care of yourself right now.

What Mood Are You In?

Currently listening to:Alice Cooper - Poison

:(

I had the most amazing dream last night. I love dreams that play out how you want things in your life to unfold but then you realise after you wake up that it didn't happen... it sucks. Ooo I'm using a different colour font today too.

Tomorrow my plan is simple.To relax and be as depressed as i possibly can just for the fun of it. Cricket and acoustic music it is.

All my crappy xmas shopping is finally over too, thank fuck for that. Fucking christmas.

Currently listening to: James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover :'(

It does hurt.

Today was an emotionally up and down day, Happy, sad,murderously angry, moderately happy, strange.

Thank god its the last day today, but i still have to haul my arse into school tomorrow to hand Murray some work in, bitch. What is it with teachers that are normally preety cool being all gay, James (Meehan) was a bit of a dick and Mr Carr was gay too.

Btw, thank you to you Ria for being so nice to me today, i appreciated your support.

Currently listening to: Nazereth - Love Hurts

Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

I’m young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
Really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it’s hot
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

Every time our eyes meet, this feeling inside me is more than i take..

Today was shit to basically sum it up. I haven't been able to concentrate all day which has pissed me off, basically nothings gone my way today. I've been a grumpy shit all day snapping at anything, grr.

Although there was one nice part of the day and that was finding £5 in history. Oh yeh i proposed to Ms Barns today too.

Me and Antoni have a shared hatred for a person we shall call "Beanstalk" as well as some other people, hopefully stuff for both of us will change soon :)

Nothing seems to work out the way i want it to, i have moments of sudden happiness where i think yeah this is going good then as usual nothing. FFS.

Currently listening to: Chicago - You're The Inspiration

Fear of the dark.

Time to recover from the booze...my head still kinda hurts i guess. I won't be getting drunk again like that for at least 4 days.

Lorraine how could you break my tv :P We got a new one today to replace the one lorraine knocked off whilst climbing through my window, but don't worry i took the blame for it :) Next time you come round my house im going to wrap my other tvs up in bubble wrap or something :P (btw my tea is better than yours!)

Only two days of school left, horrah.

Paintballing on saturday, woo

Things are going preety well for me at the moment which makes a change.

Currently listening to: Rammstein - Ich Will

My head hurts

I think i surpassed all expectations of getting pissed. My aim was to as Mekuria put it "drown my sorrows" and i lived true to my word, getting absoultly pissed before 8:30. After an ample 2 cans of fosters and 4 barcardi and cokes i turned into a drunken loon, soon to be a sick drunken loon. Needless to say, i was sick, in the toilet..and on the stairs which my faithful friends mopped up. I passed out for about 3 hours and i cannot remember hardly anything, woo. I felt like shit too.

I fell asleep anywhere, in the toilet, in the landing, on the floor of anything as well as random beds in the house, but it was still the best night i've had in fucking ages. Heres a summary of what i remember

• Me running out the house with no trousers on being chased by Antoni, i ran into some guys car, and he was sitting in their, Antoni began to kick and punch the car before he realised the driver was still in it.
• Antoni phoning hayley to bring girls over to fuck, i seem to remember me saying something along the lines of "don't you value your virginity!" or something like that.
• Me and Antoni having a chat in the kitchen about a certain girl.
• Nick locking the kitchen to stop me getting booze

I think thats it.

Currently listening to: Black Label Society - Woman don't cry ( found on the apply named Hangover Vol2 album)

My to do list

• Get smashed friday night to forget all the shit currently in my life
• Go to Twickenham to get Rias scarf from the Harlequins shop
• Make Rias card (I've found a picture of an Armadillio in a nun costume for your card Ria..its very...christmasty?)
• Buy some military type boots for recreational use
• Buy a random christmas present for Lorraine
• Buy Antoni and PJ something.
• Get smashed again with my mums vodka

Currently listening to: nightwish-dead boys poem

Why are you still talking to me?

Today was a slight improvement on yesterday, thankyou Ria for today =) but still bollocks in general. I was speaking to a person that i shall call Mr Y, Mr Y thaught he'd try and be funny thinking the problems in my life was a funny joke, well Mr Y was going the right way about pissing me off. I shall confront Mr Y tomorrow.

Lasts nights dream was a nice escape from my current life, it had two major events.

• Pj told us he was going to get married,me and Antoni had to book a flight to Ireland.woo
• I was a mall policeman

The first dream is basically explained, but the second dream i was a policeman protecting some mall. Some old ladies dog was biting me, so i kicked it off and i sprayed mace in its eyes :)

*Sigh* Another day tomorrow.

Currently listening to: Iron Maiden - Fear of the dark

If i care about what you are saying ill let you know.

Im blogging from my laptop today due to the gayness of my main pc which is being repaired. I am also deciding to write in purple today.

These past two days have been bollocks, each day worst than the last and i know for a fact me and Antoni can't wait for school to end. At least this friday i have a chance to get pissed and forget about my week, which is a plus i guess. Unusualy i currently can't give a toss about Christmas, fuck being happy, ill be happy when we get the booze for the festive period, but i couldent care less about christmas at the moment so fuck it.

fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I hate when people tell you something which they know will piss you off but they try and say it to you as if they are doing a favour when infact it only makes you more sad and pissed off.

why does everyone try to make me down?

Currently listening to: Coheed and cambria - A favour house atlantic

She does everything.

Its been a preety up and down day, happy in the morning, sad in the afternoon. I swear the next person that annoys me i *will* get physical with them as well as verbally insulting them, its not that any of it is direct to me or any of my friends but its general retard ness, like girls screaming at the top of their voice to their mate across the school which fucking hurts your ears...today i had to kindly shout shut the fuck up, i doubt they heard because of their banshee ways...

im not really in a happy mood, so ill let rise against do the talking :)

Currently listening to: Rise Against - Anyway you want it

Any way you want it
That's the way you need it
Anyway you want it

She loves to dance
She loves to sing
She does everything
She loves to move
She loves to groove
She loves a lot of things

All night
All night
Oh every night
So hold tight
Hold tight
Oh baby hold tight

She said any way you want it
That's the way you need it
Any way you want it

Any way you want it
That's the way you need it
Any way you want it

I was alone
I never knew
What love could do
Then we touched
And we sang
About the lovely things

Gilo

My mum got a new hamster yesterday...its kind of cute, i guess. She suprisingly named it Giles after the England slow left armer even before i got a chance to name it! It seems i've influenced my mum now, as our goldish are already called Trescothick,Strauss and Flintoff :)

My dream last night was cool, i dreamt that Martin Johnson (ex England world cup rugby winner) came to our school for a training day, and he picked me..so off we trotted to Brentside field. We trained and stuff and then i asked him to get me a London Wasps shirt. cool.

In my second dream it was a little more scary, i dreamt that me and my friends lived in this mountain town in America that had a curse...one person got killed on one day, then the next two people died, then the day after that three died and so on, and we got worried as we had a group of 8 so we were trying to work out how to stop the curse before it got to the 8th day, as all the deaths were nasty such as car crashes, mutilations ect :(

Currently listening to: Coheed and Cambria - Always and never

Love is a curious thing.

I saw Ms Murray today in Westway with her family, they suprisingly looked a nice family, and she smiled at me so all is well, not the usual evil glare she gives me in class when me and Antoni talk about what parts of Scotland we are from, or what happend in Eastenders the previous night :)

More Black Label Society albums in my possesion now, i baught Mafia today :) My mum should get going out tonight..so im going to steal her double bed as she won't be needing it, my single bed is gay. Fucking cricket, England messed up against Pakistan, gr.

What do you buy a girl for christmas? hmmmmm ideas?

*steals idea from Rias blog*

Song of the week : Aerosmith - Tell Me What It Takes To Let You Go

There goes my old girlfriend, there's another diamond ring
And, uh, all those late night promises I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story? Did you find another man?
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made?
When you don't look back I guess the feelings start to fade away.
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street like you didn't miss a beat, yeah

Chorus:
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go.

Yeah
Girl, before I met you I was F.I.N.E. Fine
but your love made me a prisoner, yeah my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money, then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
Cause you had me in deep with the devil in your eyes


Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dyin' when you're cryin' for me

So i wander on, asking where you might have gone..

Last night i did something strange, it was around 11 and i was waiting for the Rugby Club programme on sky sports to start at 11:30, so to kill the 30 minutes i turned of all the lights,tv..anything that produced light...and i played Black Label Society's Hangover Vol2 music which has some amazing sad,depressing acoustic tracks..and i just laid their listening to it hugging/attached to some fluffy pillow that smelt of vanilla, it was a weird but nice experince, its a good way to get some thaughts in your head out into the open and really think about stuff...

Horray for a power cut at school today so we all went home early, kick ass :)

boo for the England cricket team, they are most likely going to loose the series 1-0 to Pakistan..i told you earlier they needed me to replace the crappy Flintoff. =)

Currently listening to:Black Label Society - Woman don't cry (such a good song to reflect and think about certain things in your life...) ;'(

In the end, all will be fine
I'm losing your mind
Life is short, we all run out of time
This darkness that's set in your room
Close your eyes, we're all leaving soon
But now, I'm going away

Woman, don't you cry
Woman, don't you cry

This ain't the first or the last
Goodbyes come so fast
The darkness that's here, it never ends
Always so close yet so far
I've seen the blood and the scars
Right now, I'm going away

mehhdh

Parents evening was cool, thanks for being their Ria :) Always nice to see a friendly face as im being torn apart by my teachers... they all liked me :) Mr Wilkinson suprised me..he said i was a "star" and i should achieve an A..but (and he sounded ancience when he said this) he told me "to get a better grade you should study a lot over half term..but try not to listen to Iron Maiden too loud :) GO WILKO!

Today was another cool day, and thank god its friday tomorrow :)

Currently listening to: Flogging Molly - Devils Dance Floor